Nudges and Shoves

Do you ever get those little nudges? You know, you feel compelled to do or not to do something. To ask someone how they’re doing with sincerity even though they seem just fine and their face changes and a whole story unloads. Or to stay at home this time and it turns out that one of your kids really needed you. Or to go ahead and text so and so even if you have nothing to say but, “Thinking of you for no reason at all” and it turns out they really needed you in that moment.

And then there’s those enormous convictions that more feel like a friendly shove. Like when you need to speak up to encourage. Or do the courageous act of embracing someone who is totally broken even if you just met them. Or talking to a stranger who just might be completely desperate for a friend. Or actually being the change you want to see in this crazy world by living a different kind of life by the divine power that’s bigger than you.

I get those nudges and shoves. Daily. Probably hourly. Even right now, writing this, I am compelled by something…other…as I write this. And I can only describe it as a heart pumping nudge, keeping me awake and aware to a particular leading, a particular compelling goal. And I must follow, I want to follow, in my deepest desire.

I’m starting to really believe, and not just glaze over, the fact that I’ve got a Counselor following me around. And it’s not just him when I get my heart shoved. It’s also a lot of the little nudges. They’re not just happenstance. Many of them are him. Like everything, I am a tainted girl. I’ve got my sinful lenses and I’ve got my spirit lenses so I am not perfect at discerning what is him, what is common sense, what is just a random idea and what my pastor would say was the burrito I ate the night before. But all I know is that he created me. I am a creation. Who is known. He has searched me and known me. He knows when I sit and when I rise. He perceives my thoughts from way out in my mind. He discerns my going out and when I lie down. He is familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, he knows it completely (psalm 139). And since he created me and knows me, everything that I do that pleases him has been set about by his work, because I am his workmanship. So I need to give all credit to him for the good counsel that pops in my mind, even in the little things.

You see lately I have been feeling a little tug. And for a long time I’ve thought, this is ridiculous. This is so silly that I keep feeling like I need to listen to this minute meaningless unimportant conviction. And even writing this I am a nervous wreck that someone is actually going to hold me accountable since I actually have a community of godly people out there. But I have had some health issues lately and I keep feeling very clear conviction, as I have for a looong time, to not drink so much coffee and other beverages outside of just dousing my body with water. And I would really like to think that this is a silly idea and go on with my absolutely satisfying morning addiction…however, I have had interesting little guilty thoughts before and during that sweet cup of bliss that have felt super similar to other moments when I choose to think thoughts or go through with actions that I am sure are unpleasing to the Lord. I know this is him. In a nudge. Helping me.

In fact, in all honesty and ridiculousness of the moment, I am actually DRINKING COFFEE RIGHT NOW. Okay it’s confessed. I am a hypocrite. It’s true and it feels completely helpful to say it in writing. But truly I had decided to start my fast tomorrow and enjoy my last cup right now before I go through my painful one week of detox. I know he is nudging me, helping me in this area and I need to YIELD, finally!

I had similar strange food convictions all during my pregnancy with the girls. I cannot even capture on paper how challenging and frustrating those 21 weeks of pregnancy were, trying to eat something…anything. I could not keep food down. I’m not the best at reading every book on the block when it comes to “how to” or __ for dummies, etc. I just ask other people and look up things here and there on the internet and kind of wing it. And I found the Holy Spirit himself in those times giving me random nudges that helped me and then later I would come across some reading or hear from another woman that you should avoid x food or try to eat x and I was so grateful. I felt like someone had counseled me on something I didn’t know to discern on my own.

Not ironically, I literally just stopped writing this post because an old friend from church was here in the coffee shop and got up to leave so I saw her. We got to talking and the nudge to my heart was to ask her about community. Seemed harmless and easy so I responded to the “idea” and it hit a button with her that took us through a long conversation about missing home and the risks involved with giving yourself away to messy community. And we had a great talk and at the end she said this was just what she needed to hear. Now, I can count that as credit to my amazing capability to pinpoint someone’s heart…(ha!) or I can count it as a good gift of the faithful Counselor, who is always directing my steps, bringing himself into every interaction in my life for his glory. I count that conversation as a sweet gift to my day and hers, thanking God for that little nudge to ask such a little thing. Because it led to big things.

I got an email from a friend the other day and her statement sparked my brain on this post and got me going down the tracks. She was writing our bible study about her “evidence of God’s grace” for the week (as we all do weekly, as we pay attention to the work God is doing in our lives). She was looking for an important document and had already been through one pile of papers and was about to shred them when she really felt compelled to look once more. She found what she really needed and was so thankful for that nudge and counted it an evidence of God’s grace.

I know some people count it as luck or count it to their wisdom, but should we be so quick to discount a counselor, a designer, a Spirit just because it’s a little thing?

Maybe some people think this is all ridiculous. That’s fine. I’ve been learning to not demand people learn exactly what I am learning at exactly the same time. But as for me, I feel like that sparrow in Matthew 10. God says there that not one sparrow will fall to the ground apart from his will. And then says, “So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

The little things are not silly. He is here even in these things. He is for me. He is the Great Shepherd who carries me forever (Psalm 28:9).

And I am worth more than a sparrow to him.