I'm new here

As everyone who reads this knows, I have two 2 year olds and one 3 month old. But even I sometimes have to pinch myself to remember my fragile state of affairs in this stage of life, so therefore I start the blog with that sobering reminder ;).

It’s not difficult in our season for me to think of examples of what it’s like to be in a very present, very continual stage of instructing our children. Just today I can think of a number of meltdowns our girls have had, the first one today less than 30 minutes after waking up because I tore Kanah’s muffin in half instead of offering her the whole thing. I thought her chair was going to rock back and smack the floor she got so mad. I am not sure how many times a day a two year old, more specifically my two year olds, have tantrums or need correction, but it’s rather frequent. Let’s just say it’s frequent enough that I can barely break away from all three kids in time to pick up a book on the topic, on a shelf in the same room as the commited sin, before another issue breaks out. Ahh. The terrific two’s.

I have had a number of jobs in my life all over the board – gymnastics instructor, youth leader, non profit coordinator, esl teacher, and employee in retail – and I always got trained for them. After the training you feel nervous and rocky and not so confident on your feet, but the info is there, somewhere in your mind, and even if you’re slow and have to remind the customer, “I’m new here,” it’s okay because they patiently wait and eventually you get it figured out. Even if you don’t, there’s a seasoned, i-know-everything type person standing nearby and you don’t even care that they are a know-it-all, because that’s who you need in the moment and they’re the only ones who can make you into a know-it-all too.

Well the girls aren’t really responding patiently with their hands crossed and gazing up at me with their blue eyes when with a stumbling response I show them that “I’m new here.” They just snowball deeper into dangerous territory while I scroll rapidly through my mental file of “What to do with wild two year olds in every imaginable scenario…and by the way it’s different every time so turn to page 1,062.”

I just took the DISC personality profile. The DISC confirmed for me that I really like structure and I tend to be most successful when I see that there is a plan in place. Here are some excerpts on “me” from the test…

“Getting the project or job done right is important to her. If forced to choose between producing quality work or quantities of work, quality will be the winner. She is alert and sensitive to her errors and mistakes. She constantly seeks to avoid errors in her work. She likes to work behind the scene and be seen as someone who is organized and has her life in order. She has a need to achieve in an environment in which the quality is controlled.
She can become frustrated when put in a situation that is nothing more than a rambling
discussion. She wants to know the company rules so she can follow them, and she may
become upset when others continually break the rules. When confronted with a problem she will look for a method, a formula, a procedure or a system to solve it.”

In another section on what “Kelly needs…” these were three related ones:
“An exact job description and expectations in writing. Complete instructions on her assignments. Assistance in new or difficult assignments.”

So, being a mother to two year olds without any kind of playbook is kind of hilarious right?! Yes, quite.

So. I am reading Ginger Plowman’s book, Don’t Make me Count to Three. Her basic thesis is that as followers of Jesus, we are biblically called to both discipline and instruct our little ones and to not be about behavior modification but about teaching a change of heart, which is the basis for a change of behavior. It addresses the obvious external conflict taking place before your eyes as well as the hidden internal conflict of the heart.

The chapter I am reading now is on the power of God’s Word in discipline and instruction. Here’s a selection from that chapter:

“We can quickly view training them all day, every day, over and over as a burden or a trial. But James 1:2-4 says ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ …If we could view all of their sinful behaviors as precious opportunities to teach them then we would be far more righteous in our training. We would be joyful and eager all the time rather than angry and frustrated...Each time your child fails, don’t view it as a hopeless tragedy. Remember that it would be unnatural for your child not to sin because, after all, he is a sinner…The question is not, ‘Why does he act like that?’ The question is, ‘What are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow this sin to take root in his heart and grow, or are you going to use this opportunity to train him in righteousness?’

I am loving this book and this excerpt is an example of why. By the way, this lady is also for real. She says in other parts of this chapter things that make you feel like normal sinners like, “Actually, if you could visit my home and see my failures you probably would not have purchased this book…” so this lady is not annoyingly “Christian” but she applies “being a sinner” to herself and her children as well. I admire that humbly quality in mothers almost more than anything instead of standing on top of our wobbily heap of accomplishments and with unsteady knees and a chin held high pointing down on other moms. So, I have to get that comment in about Ginger. Love her.

Anyway…about this excerpt. So, look, when she says that we should be joyful and even eager about these toddler trial moments at first I’m thinking – whatever. But then I think – well, why not? I mean, I’d rather not be miserable in those moments of their crying and whining or acts of disobedience. Those are my self-chosen responses: miserable dread or joy and eagerness. I think if I am a part of the choice at all I’d rather be a part of joy and eagerness. Because I want to have a good life, to enjoy my kids, and to actually allow Jesus to show me that it is actually true that me and my kids can live as new creations because of him. I want to hold on to that hope.

I mean, the reality is that a toddler moment illicits a somewhat normal response in the very core of your being, whether anger or impatience or whatever. It’s like the trial wakes up your flesh and says okay, you can lash out with the sin of your choice now! This is a perfect moment! So I’m not ignoring that besides a choice there’s also an inner battle of flesh verses spirit. Also, if anyone knows me well, they know that I tend toward being a wee bit of a Debbie Downer type (SNL, you know). So this is kind of a funny picture in their heads I bet of a joyful, eager Kelly when Kanah and Grace throw themselves on the floor. Give me grace people. Jesus can do it. I know what I want to be is Debbie Downer BUT there is a God. Thank goodness. And he’s bigger than that surface desire in me and has set deeper, godlier desires in me. I am seriously thankful for that.

I’ll keep you guys on track with this wild ride I am on. I am not sure what bends this will take. I am not sure I will always be joyful and eager to go through it. But I am sure that when the terrific two trials come, God’s Word will be there for me, the Holy Spirit will be reminding me of it, and that I will have a choice in those moments to use the situation as an opportunity to talk about Jesus with my kids. And I can either eagerly anticipate and receive those trials as chances for my girls to grow in truth and become the little women they were intended to be, or I can despise them and waste the trials. As I read today in 2 Peter 3, Lord help me to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You know I do this only through you.

By the way, I wrote this while Salem took a rare two hour nap and Nani had the girls out and about, sooo…if those of you who see me a lot wonder by my behavior how I was the one who wrote this blog, encourage me to re-read my own handwriting ;).