Seeds for now

Around January I was feeling compelled to think about how I want to "build my house." Proverbs 14:1 says that a wise woman builds her house but a foolish one tears hers down with her own hands. So I got to wondering about how to build my house, what it means to build, and especially what other wise women did to build their house. My friend Annie joined me on this journey and we have been pursuing this together and now have made a list of ladies we are hoping to visit together to observe and be around.

Once Baby Salem came I found myself feeling very paralyzed about this calling to build a house. I could barely velcro three diapers every three hours, how much less build a house? The responsibility felt daunting to me.

I think getting the advice in the first month or two that it could be put aside for a season was probably true. Until Salem de-velcro'd himself from me and could sit in a playgym for a few minutes at a time, or take naps on something other than me, I would have to wait and pray. There are seasons for being with your children that are allowed to look very simple and sometimes just look like survival.

And even though Salem is now a little more predictable, a lot more happy, and our house ever so slightly more in order, I still recognize that this season is unique in it's own slightly paralyzing way. However, as I have continued into now 3 1/2 months of this new life, when I continue to get the "give yourself a break" advice, I have begun to sense something new in my spirit. Like maybe the sense that God isn't giving me that advice exactly. I definitely feel him clearly giving me grace upon grace and asking me to be content with this simple life at home. That is for certain. But I have a peaceful compelling feeling underneath all of this busyness and heavy responsibility.

I have continued to watch the girls in this very sponge-like season of their two year old lives. They have been very ripe for learning and instruction and correction and new things for the first time in their lives. It reminds me as I am writing of a verse that I can't recall the reference for right now (Isaiah?) where God says, I am doing something new, see how it springs up. I did see something new in the girls and I have wanted to grab hold of it while trying to discern how not to expect the world out of this time as well. I want to see what God sees going on in our family. Not from eyes that say - you can't do anything! or from eyes that tell me - you can do it all! But I want to see what the Lord is up to. Because he is my refuge and my strength. He can make it happen.

I began by posting Scripture in my kitchen a couple of weeks ago. I jotted down verses about God being my help, about how to avoid sin, about him being my literal strength, etc. because I need him to do this. My favorite one right now is Prov 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous man (who by the way is anyone who Jesus has MADE righteous) runs into it and is safe." I love that! If I am in trouble, if I am about to sin, if I just can't do it, I can run to the name of the Lord and find refuge. I have been practicing that outloud lately, especially when I feel like I am about to get angry with the girls. I just say "Jesus help me" and close my eyes for a minute. Usually all of the action stops too, because the girls are so interested in what I am doing ;).

Also, as Salem began to take naps for 30 minutes to an hour here and there, I began to see windows with the girls. So taking hold of those small windows has been the way I have seen to take on this biblical concept of building my house. I made a schedule of what I would like to build into the girls, even if I only had ten organized, intentional minutes with them a day. I have played around with them the past few weeks and I think this is what we'll be up to:

Mondays: Bible verse day w/ coloring and signs
Tuesdays: Songs w/ signs
Wednesdays: Art and crafts
Thursdays: Cooking at Nani's
Fridays: Serve others (b-day cards to foster kids, cards to family and friends, maybe cooking or creating something for someone)

I am excited about these seeds. It might look like a mighty list but actually it's about ten minutes a day and if I get more, that's great, but ten minutes is what I am looking for. I know that the seeds of Monday will hopefully one day turn into the girls having their own time with the Lord on their beds. Hopefully the seeds of songs of Tuesdays will turn into them loving music of all kinds and enjoying sharing that hobby (particularly w/ daddy) as well as developing a heart of worship. And Wednesdays will maybe go from child like crafts to a love for some other kind of artistic exression to enjoy in life and as a way to bless others. Way down the road, these seeds on Thursdays will hopefully be the beginnings of a growing heart in them to manage their own homes one day. And Fridays make my heart swell big time because how blessed would I be to get to see my own kids have servant hearts one day for people in their lives and to desire to humbly give their lives away as Jesus did.

So I realize that building my house right now isn't a marathon. We're in training. We're sowing seeds. I am making sure I don't waste my seeds and my calling or waste their seeds and their calling! I am responsible for both at this point! But I also know that life with the Lord is a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light. He is not heaping on me what he is not making me able to accomplish. So I will respond to his call and his timing and I feel at peace with what "baby" steps we are taking right now to build our home.

Prov 24:3-4 "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with pleasant and precious riches."