I'm a character - Part 1

I’m reading another book. I milked Cold Tangerines for like five months because I pretty much love exactly that kind of book and can’t find many of them. The kind of non-fiction book where each chapter is basically an essay on a particular story in the author’s life where through connecting events and conversations they learned something new, and who they are was tweaked by what eventually came full circle. The chapters were like four pages long and that’s all I would allow myself to read and then put it down until I wanted to read the next time.

Then Jason gave me A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. Thank you, Jason. I didn’t discipline my reading quota this time and gorged myself on his scrumptious little chapters until I found myself on like page 170 and wanted to cry because it would end on page 250. My girls get a piece of candy from something I called the “treat train” every time they go potty with dry underwear (can you hear me chanting “chugga chugga chugga chugga TREAT TRAIN!!” from the bathroom floor?) And about once a day I feel deserving of my own version of having dry undies and devour a reesy cup. I would really like to eat the entire train because I actually probably deserve all of that plus like 500 mommy medals. But I eat one a day. It’s kind of like that. Now I am back to just taking in a daily treat of uno capitulo and putting it down until the next time.

So the gist of the book is that these movie guys approach Miller to make a movie about his life and as they are piecing it all together he basically has all of these realizations about what a story actually is and how his life lacks them. And I’m not done with the book, but along the way his life goes less from being stories in his head to stories happening in his life. So I found some takeaways that have me thinking. And more than just thinking, I hope, since that is kind of the whole point of his realizations anyway. My posts always end up being too long so I might post my thoughts over a couple of posts.

Here’s one of the first quotes I underlined and appreciated enough to re-type for you. “In nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed. He’s a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end. If the character doesn’t change, the story hasn’t happened yet. And if story is derived from real life, if story is just a condensed version of life, then life itself may be designed to change us, so that we evolve from one kind of person to another.”

So, I am a character who has been written into life. And Miller says, and I agree, that evidence of being in a story (a good story I guess) is that my character is changing. Kelly is changing. I am evolving internally, from one kind of person to another. It’s helpful for me to think of the “not” version of that. I guess a character who goes through situations and incidents and happenings but stubbornly or perhaps fearfully or perhaps selfishly refuses to allow themselves to change. Maybe that looks like me fighting my own story. I am a wife and a mom and right now I don’t have a job, but actually I am so busy with purpose that it’s crazy overwhelming. And in the midst of what I am called to be doing, maybe I just complain about it or fight it or avoid it. If I do that, I will not evolve inside. I will not be changed by God. I will not really be living a story. I’ll be spitting on it. I really cannot change some of the big storylines of my life right now (you know, wife, mom, staying at home to raise my kiddos). Not that I want to! But what I mean is that sometimes huge parts of our stories are written and we cannot change them but we can let them change us. That’s the part we can resist or let happen. And then there are smaller storylines that I can step out into, like relationships and conversations and pursuits and smaller callings. So I want to see the written stories and the ones I have freedom to “write” in my life as things God means to use for God, to change me, make me different, to make me go from jerk to something redeemed, coward to one who can even help others “fear not”.


Part 2 thoughts to come and for those reading/following Sacred Marriage with me, my chapter 2 post is coming Friday and I intend to be more faithful with posting once a week.