Confession on thankfulness

After thanksgiving was over I realized I did not spend one moment that day being thankful apart from an agreement in spirit during the prayer before our feast. Jason and I are always thinking through what we would like the traditions of our family to look like and although we have already begun to enjoy some of those, I think this year's day of thankfulness snuck up on me. So I confess an unthankful heart and wish to express my gratitude now.

Thank you, Lord...

For my faithful husband and precious daughters. I never, ever, ever thought I would get to enjoy a family this beautiful and it's a continual surprise how much my heart longs to be close to them and to enjoy them fully.

For this baby boy you are creating in my womb. He was a surprise from the beginning and the fact that we were going to get to be the caretakers of a little boy was an even greater surprise! And Lord you know how I like to be surprised but I always ruin them, so what a great gift of grace and I never saw it coming!

For our church. Anytime I start to get puffed up and think I know something about anything I am humbled to realize that it is because of the scripture, teaching, instruction, correction, and wisdom you have placed in my life at Mars Hill. As my friend Annie posted today from Proverbs, "He who walks with the wise grows wise."

My friends who pursue me from both near and far away. I need you in my life. I appreciate your calls, emails, play dates, and endless pursuits of me. I am a sinner who doesn't know how to love you as well as I should but I am practicing grace and I know God is blessing me through your life, words, and actions.

My families. I am blessed to have so much family in my life, both from childhood and also family I have been adopted into through Jason. I could not have survived the beginnings of motherhood without you and I still can't find enough ways to express this.

For the little things...A sunny day today. The smell of our Christmas tree. The silence in my ears right now. The comfort and safety of a home (okay, not such a little thing). My VAN ;). Hot coffee. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. My energy you give me to take care of the girls even though I am pregnant. Worship music on my ipod in the kitchen. The beautiful mountains I can see from here. So many things Lord...

Thank you Jason...

For enjoying me more than anything else in your life. I know this because your favorite place to be is at home and it blesses me to know you love me so much.

For staying faithfully persistent with me. I know I am a handful!! This is for sure! But you never give up on us, no matter what the season. I am so thankful for this diligence in you to press through trials and to always always reconcile and be close.

For loving the girls. For enjoying having them with you as you get ready in the morning. For wrestling with them right when you walk in the door even though I know you could use some rest. For taking them so I can have time. For feeding them when I just can't do it one more meal that day. For getting on your hands and knees to clean up their messes. For kissing and hugging them constantly.

For going to work everyday. I would not want to trade places with you and I treasure getting to be at home with the girls. I cannot explain how thankful I am for how you shelter me from stresses that you take on yourself to provide and protect.

For little things...cooking, washing dishes, taking out the stinky diaper bags, putting up our Christmas lights, drinking water (hehe), making the girls' morning milk every night, always always being a part of bedtime and morning time, complimenting my cooking, telling me how great I look, following through on the things around the house that drive me crazy, picking up if I leave off on a task or chore, calling about the multi-chopper piece - still sorry about that one, being graceful graceful graceful with your imperfect wife who loves you very much and who is doing her best to show you that ;).

Thank you Kanah and Grace...

(Yes, I have so much to thank you girls for too! I have felt from the beginning that I should let my daughters know how they are changing my life for the better, how the Lord is using them to teach me, love me, and grow me as a woman. So here are some of the ways...)

For all your hugs and kisses. It feels so good to be loved by children. To have your arms thrown around me and for your head to be resting so heavily on my shoulder. Touch in human relationships is so brief and momentary but with you, you linger on me and show me how to be still to enjoy holding and being held. I love your weight on me.

For all of your words. For pointing to me and saying mama and waving and saying "hi" with that long, two syllable vowel. For learning to say sorry (sa sa). For the cute ways you say "bite" and "down" and "hug." Your voices are little treasures, I can't get enough.

For helping mommy to not be lazy and selfish. You help me rise in the morning, spend my days wisely, and go to bed knowing I have been encouraged by your presences to put my priorities in order.

For your hands of worship. When any music comes on (we'll have to work on showing you the difference) you raise your hands to heaven. You remind me to worship the Lord and to know when "the music comes on" in my life to praise Jesus for all I have been given, with a thankful heart.

You show mommy how to be still, how to put my lists and agendas aside, and how to practice a new way of life. I believe getting to be your mommy has actually eliminated a lot of stresses that used to be in my life because the Lord uses you to teach me the discipline of sitting and enjoying.

Even for the times you are disobedient or sinful with each other, even in those moments I sense the Holy Spirit teaching me to be humble about my own pride, stubbornness and sin. As I discipline you, I feel Him teaching me that I am not perfect either and we all need to be turned constantly in the direction of humility and to grace.

Lord, thank you for all the unspoken as well. Right now as I have taken this time to turn my heart to thanksgiving, I actually feel you transforming my heart away from a negative focus and onto your blessings. Please help me keep a heart of praise, using these lips to bless, not curse. You are a good God, giving good gifts to your children.