Titus in Cyber Space

Potty training isn’t going so well. (By the way if you’re not into potty training blogs, stick with me, this moves on to deeper things, promise.) Unfortunately I have a lot of families around us for whom this was a cynch over the time frame of a weekend. So it’s been a little discouraging. I went shopping a couple of weeks ago for the perfect underwear. I found Minnie mouse as well as all the Disney princesses. I felt like that plus some cute stickers were all Jason and I needed in hand to head into our potty training weekend. We read next to nothing, didn’t talk to anyone, and just thought it would work out like it has for so many other toddlers.

It all started off well and good. The girls really liked the underwear. They wanted to put it on. I think they liked the freedom of no pants and they really liked the sticker rewards. They would alternate having accidents and having successful elmo potty runs. Their sticker charts were filling up. I had not a care about doing this by myself after the weekend was over and I expected even more progress and initiation from the girls.

But come Monday I was on my own and everything hit the fan. Grace not only was begging and tantruming for diapers but she also had progressively been relapsing with her eating habits starting around the same time we first put the panties on. She was eating very little, covering her face, throwing fits, and a handful of meals literally eating not even one bite. We used to go to an occupational therapist for her eating aversions when she was around age one but slowly saw improvement as we worked at her own pace. I think she was sensing a push again with something that made her uncomfortable. We needed to lay off.

Now they’re in pull-ups during the awake hours, diapers for sleep, and we’ve up-ed the anty with two chocolate chips (plus the sticker) for every success. We’re in a comfortable place and I think we’ve got to take it easy.

Throughout the process we also realized we’ve got to do some more research and advice hunting. I mean, there are entire books on this. I am not going to read a book. But just that they exist should tell me it’s more than buying underwear and not making plans for a weekend. There are almost certainly going to be exceptions and “if this happens” type situations that can throw kinks into the training plans.

Bottom line. We don’t know anything about this. We’re newbies and we need wisdom. I’ve got none in my brain. The only thing I do have is the truth I have carried in my pocket since my kids were born – that a huge favor you can do yourself in parenting is to be an observer of your children, looking to see what they need, when they are ready for things, and who they are in the uniqueness of their creation. Besides that observation though, there is much additional, helpful wisdom that I can get my hands on. Just like seeing that occupational therapist, she was able to observe Grace with wise eyes that I did not have. We were watching the same child, but she could see behaviors that resembled children’s she had given therapy to before, so she empowered me as a mom to be a better support to Grace.

On to the title of this blog and on to a deeper burden on my heart. I am a big lover and believer in the Titus 2 life of mentoring those who are on the road just behind you. If you haven’t read the Titus 2 passage for women, here it is:

"But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine…Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

As we have been potty training, I’ll tell you that the easy thing to do is hop on the internet, do a little research and gain some “wisdom.” I think sometimes it’s helpful, but lately I have felt the burden that this is a sad rippling effect for a number of reasons.

First, and simply, when you come to a woman in person looking for wisdom on anything from potty training to confronting someone in their habitual sin, there is wisdom from that Christian women in that she discerns exactly how to guide you with that particular person or need. Take our simple example with Grace. She is almost three and speaking in full sentences and seems on paper (or on internet sites or books) as ready for potty training. But there’s much wisdom in exploring her particular issues and contributing personality traits that might change how we should train her. A woman of wisdom might be able to talk with me over an hour about her peculiarities and I might come to a more Grace-specific conclusion instead of making a black and white blanket decision about what to do with her from what I read on the internet.

I think about this too with how to raise my kids, how to discipline them, how to love my husband in our particular circumstance, how to love a friend, how to confront a friend, how to receive a piece of counsel, how to plan my house management, etc. The list goes on about what I need wisdom for as it relates to that verse above on topics like: loving my husband, loving my children, being self-controlled, being pure, working at home, being kind, and being submissive.

Sometimes, of course!, there is truth and wisdom on the internet. On a personal level, I would hope that my blog is a written display of the wisdom that God is teaching me about particular circumstances in my own life. However, if what I write on a certain subject resonates with someone regarding something they need counsel for in their own lives, I would pray that they would also “check” their life and wisdom received from me/my blog with a closer counsel in their lives, with someone who can see into the particular realities in their own hearts.

My other concern with what I will call Titus in Cyber Space counsel is that I am deeply grieved and saddened for both 1. the lack of vision Christian women seem to have these days for being a Titus woman who mentor women behind her in life (not by age but by what she has matured in with Christ) and 2. the lack of desire in women to be led and mentored by more mature women in their lives. It saddens me that both the mentor and the mentee are becoming more scarce and it is my prayer that we will always see ourselves as both. That we are called to Titus 2 both as women who need to grow in Jesus and also women who have already grown in Jesus in many areas and we need to share our wisdom (gently and humbly) with younger women in the faith. I am desperate for this to happen.

Last January I felt a clear call from Proverbs 14:1 “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” I blogged about it and made a list of women I wanted to meet with and learn from about a variety of subjects in need wisdom in, mostly all included somehow in the verses above. Then I had Salem. :) So now, I am picking up that list again, determined to not seek the Titus woman out in cyber space, and to be a wise woman who builds her house by seeking wisdom where God has placed it in the lives of mature women all around me. I will continue to listen to the Holy Spirit personally, put myself under the treasured authority of my pastors on Sundays, have conversations with lovely hearts of friends who are closest to me, as well as pursue women I admire to grow in wisdom and build my house.

I’d love to know what you guys think about Titus in cyber space vs. Titus women in your community! Tell me your experience and burdens. And also…if you so feel led by the Holy Spirit, give us a shout out about potty training if you have any wisdom on it!