Veronica

I’ve been watching Fox news occasionally. Partly for background noise. Don’t make me explain, but for whatever reason, my kids kind of behave better if there’s more noise. Who knows. (If I'm losing you b/c you hate Fox, don't x out my page. It's not political and I don't plan on going there.)

So I’m watching a couple of weeks ago and I think it was the Hannity and Colmes show that was interviewing the lawyer of one of Tiger’s mistresses, Veronica. I’m kind of intrigued so I sit down while the kids munch away at dinner (actually who am I kidding, they’re just watching it too and ignoring their food. I don’t know how they weigh more than ten pounds).

Anyway. Veronica’s lawyer is being interviewed and is just adamant that Tiger needs to apologize to her client. She declares that Tiger has built this relationship with her and now he’s abandoned her with no explanation or goodbye or regret and she’s owed at least as much as an apology. Whoever is interviewing her is questioning how Veronica could be setting herself up as the victim when the real victim is Tiger’s wife and he is rightfully putting all of his energies towards making things right with her, since she’s the real one who’s been wronged.

Now, let me first say that I have no idea what is going on in the world. I think all this front page news about Tiger had probably seen it’s second month’s round of cover stories by the time I cared to notice in the grocery store line. So, I don’t really know all the details and I’m not claiming to be writing a report about it here. I don’t know any of the details besides the heresay that Tiger had a ridiculous amount of affairs and now he’s off who knows where, taking a break from golf. All I know is what I saw on this particular show, so don’t ask me any questions.

Anyway, I’m watching Veronica’s lawyer just get all heated. This woman is fiery. She is just demanding that Veronica deserves an apology from Tiger and he owes her that. I thought that was so interesting that at some point later I joted a little note about it in my writing moleskin, because I thought it might be interesting to include in my writing of some sort later, who knew when.

Well not but a couple of weeks later I’m in church. John Piper had been at our church for a conference and he had given our Sunday sermon. So I’m sitting there listening to the sermon and Piper’s sermon is titled, Kill Sin before it Kills You. There was so much meat in it that it might take me three more blogs to get through it all, but there was a little (HUGE) nugget just for me, just for a specific sin in my life that has to do with the fact that I am an awful lot like Veronica.

Piper’s talk zero’d in on how we have sin in our lives that is killing us inside. We allow it to kill us because we are not setting our minds on killing it. He wanted to lean into a couple of really specific examples of how to go from living out a sin to setting our minds on the Spirit in order to kill that sin. He gave lots of examples, ending on the sin of anger. Uh oh. That’s one of mine. Okay, just be cool, and take some notes. I can hear this, here we go.

He took us to Matthew 18, the parable of the unmerciful servant. The parable portrays a man who owes a giant debt and as he begs for mercy, he is granted it. And he goes away free with his debt cancelled in a great merciful act. And Piper gave this picture of a man who goes away free and grateful and praising the Lord…or was he? What happened next? He was owed a much smaller debt by another man and when this man fell on his knees before him, asking him to be patient with him, the man who had been given much mercy “grabbed him and began to choke him” and demanded to be given what was owed him.

Here is what the Spirit began to speak to me, specifically regarding my husband and my children. What do you think Jason owes you? When he does not give you what you believe you are owed, do you grab him and choke him with your words and with the hands of your heart? What do I think my children owe me? When they do not give me what I think I am owed of them, do I grab them and choke them with my words and with the hands of my heart? Am I like the man who has been given much mercy who turns around and has no mercy to extend to someone who owes me much, much, exceedingly much less? Do I not see myself in this man, who appears to be behaving so horrific and selfishly in this story? How can I not see myself in him?

Whoa. Never saw myself in that parable before. Never knew that this parable was about anger. Never had this parable minister to me like this before.

And then Veronica came to mind. This Veronica whose story seemed so far away. And suddenly Veronica isn’t so far away anymore, and she isn’t judged by me as if I could never sin like that, and suddenly I’m not laughing anymore at how ridiculous it is that she could be asking for an apology in the midst of her great sin. She came so close to me. So close. I could see myself. I am Veronica. I am demanding. I am feeling owed. I am feeling injured and hurt and victimized and needy and all queen-like in my position that all the world owes me all of itself…and then I see.

I owed. I injured. I hurt. And yet I have been shown an unbelievably great mercy. I have absolutely been freed of the anger and wrath of God that I so deserve because I did sin greatly against him. Yet. I have been shown mercy. Now will I not go and show mercy? Why would I withhold it now? Will I go and withhold mercy from such little sin against me? Did my own mercy mean so little to me?

Lord let me embrace your mercy with such a gratitude that I would not so selfishly and ungratefully withhold such a beautiful, undeserved, gracious gift to others. In my moment of being sinned against, enable me, strengthen me to drop a knee of humility in order to offer the gift of mercy. Not to see the gratitude in their eyes, not to make me great, not to change their behavior towards me, not for some great expectation in return.

But because of your mercy to me. Let me see past them, past their sin against me, past all of that hurt and all that I am owed, to your great cross in the distance, where you bled and died for me, little me who owed you everything and didn’t even know it or even care.

Matthew 18:27 “The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.”