The List - Part 1

If you didn't read my last post, it's an introduction to what this list is all about, so you'll be caught up...

So here’s my list, the good, the bad and mostly the ugly…I have attempted to order them on kind of a timeline but for the most part they are in no particular order…

Bible heroes. I used to look at Noah and David and Abraham and all those guys as if they were the ones that really had found favor with God. They were the mature Christians, the ones everyone looked up to, and because they were so righteous, God loved them and lifted them up. I overlooked all of their grave mistakes, including drunkenness, murder and adultery to name a few, just concerning the three men above. I failed to see that Jesus was the only hero of the Bible and none of us are picked because of the righteousness we have made for ourselves, but because of the righteousness Jesus has placed on us. 2 Co 5:21 says that He who knew no sin became sin so that He could place His righteousness on us. The problem with this thinking, as it personally affected me, was that I tended to see myself with a good hat and everyone else not as “good” with a bad hat. I saw all of us on a scale and it caused me to depend on a RELIGIOSITY rather than SOLEY on the blood of Jesus.

Grace. I struggled with a particular inclination especially in my late teens, early twenties with being really judgemental and hard on others concerning biblical issues that I myself had only just learned about. It seemed like as soon as the Lord brought something to light for me, I didn’t understand why everyone else simultaneously didn’t also have that same revelation. Even though the Lord had been patient with me in “x” area of my walk, after like five seconds of seeing it myself, I was already irritated that the whole world didn’t also “get it”. I had no grace and also no humility. I will still struggle with this at times and find myself bending this way when not abiding in Christ, because my sin awareness radar is off the charts, probably because of my spiritual giftings, so I often very quickly am aware of others’ weaknesses as well as my own. But I am learning, and hopefully have learned a lot, that any wisdom that I have is first of all from God. (James 1:16-17 “Don’t be deceived. Every good and perfect gift is from above.” He has given me everything that I know and understand and so I cannot be prideful. And two, God has given us a gracious and patient Counselor, the Holy Spirit, who Jesus said “will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” (John 14:26) I am a teacher at heart, so I appreciate this name for the Holy Spirit as a Teacher and Counselor. He has God’s glory and our sanctification in mind. I need to trust Him. I need to be slow to speak and quick to pray and ready to speak when He leads, not when I am impatient.

Bad language. (Sigh). So, I know that a lot of people are still really torn on this issue and I do not even attempt to write out a thorough argument on this matter so please don't hold me to it. I don’t feel that this is nearly as black and white as I used to think it was. I think my main problem, in the first ten-ish years of being a Christian was that I kind of rated popular, obvious sins as most offensive to God and I wanted to avoid those, make everyone else avoid those, and totally pass over the issues of the heart. I focused on sins like sex before marriage, drinking, drugs, bad language, homosexuality, and abortion. Literally (I grin) that was my entire sin list. If you were cleared on that list you were good with me. My moral bar was so high on the bad language topic and was so fierce that even if you were a NON Christian with no conviction whatsoever (obviously) on this issue, I would still rebuke you! At this time I would like to apologize to YOU if you were one of those people. I was nothing shy of FOOLISH to rebuke you. Foolish. Also I would now like to apologize to anyone else I rebuked for using bad language. Why did I consider myself the four letter word police? My heart was so focused on your offensive words that I missed the whole picture of your heart or why you even used the word in the first place. All over my head. I’m sorry, again. This was also a season in my life where if you asked me to talk about the sins I was dealing with and what I was asking the Lord for help with, I would not have been able to answer you. Why? Because I wasn’t doing anything on my offensive sins list. I could not see that I was doing my own thing, hardly ever praying, judging constantly, hearing the Bible but not always receiving it in my heart or responding to it (I'm not saying I'm perfect at these things now either, for certain), and basically walked around feeling pretty self-righteous. But hey, I wasn’t smoking or saying bad words, and that’s being like Jesus right? I wouldn't have SAID outloud that this was my theology...but the beliefs that you LIVE are the ones that you really believe. I was so backwards about sin. I just think bad language is a lot further down on the list, if it’s on the list at all, as to things that the Lord is concerned about. I think there’s a lot of freedom around language, more than I thought before, and I just need to keep before me two important instructions around my words and follow the Holy Spirit’s personal conviction for me in light of them. 1. Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” And 2. 1 Co 10:31-32 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble…”

Dating. Especially in high school I remember having zero purpose with dating. I do think it would be kind of rare, but I hope that my kids will be graced with the wisdom that dating, or whatever you’d like to call it, is for a purpose. It is FOR marriage. It is not to fool around. Or for experience. I also really believed that as long as the guy I was dating was technically a Christian then everything was cool. No. There are lots of different kinds of Christians out there who believe lots of things all over the board and have many different convictions. I think in general Jason and I don’t understand any purpose of dating until a certain age, but we’re trying to keep it open in our hands, as the Lord leads us for our kids in the years to come. We want to stay prayerful, not religious. We want to address the heart, not the behavior. I am grateful for a community believers who believe with us that we want our boys to grow up “dating” mommy so they can practice for the years that they are pursuing their wife. And for daddies that are “dating” their daughters, treating them with a lavishing love, taking them to dinners and opening their doors and treating them as daughters of the King. I hope a generation of young people are coming who want to honor Jesus as they begin to desire marriage and spending their life with a husband or wife.

Boundaries with “sexual immorality” (this was before marriage). Another one that makes me laugh. I remember me and some of the other kids in youth group would constantly ask and constantly debate what the “line” was with “how far you could go.” Yet another inability to look at the heart. If my heart while just holding hands was incredibly lustful and distracted and disrespectful to the person I was with, then what I was commiting in my mind is to Christ the same as the sin of actual commiting the behavior. My pastor just talked today about how a religious person is only concerned about the EXTERNAL behavior, whereas Jesus digs straight down to the wellspring of our hearts to see our true motives and whether or not He or our desire is on the throne of our hearts. In that moment of opportunity to sin, am I surrendering my life to Christ, asking Him for help to be under His authority and to HONOR him with my thoughts, words, deeds, and actions? Or am I concerned with how much he will let me get away with? What a difference in heart. Even asking where the line is shows your heart’s desire is more for the sexual immorality than for purity and what pleases the Father. Psalm 19:12-14 says “Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. (things that I do not even realize are sins) Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. And then Psalm 139:24 says “See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

I'm going to post the rest of my list in another post since this is getting so far and the next one will cover more issues from the past eight years of my life...