Resolution

It’s New Years and once again a word I haven’t heard in about a year is fresh and vibrant again on the tongues of friends and strangers. Resolutions. It’s a little haunting but at the same time, as my pastor said today, there’s something about getting another clean slate for a whole ‘nother year that feels good. I’ve been thinking for a few days on whether or not I would make any resolutions. I wish I had a dictionary in front of me (or internet right now for that matter) but if I could throw out a definition, I would say that it means: a determined goal, a conviction to follow, something you have resolved or decided wholeheartedly to do. I am drawn towards that idea of being resolved, of being set on something. Anybody else have a good picture of resolution?

I think making resolutions is either popular or disdained among the masses. It’s either irritating to you to be asked if you have any or else you have a good, perhaps entirely too ambitious, list. It would be interesting to see what personalities fall into each category. For myself I almost always fall into the resolution maker category. I almost feel like it would be against how I operate to not be sucked in to a chance to appreciate the sense of re-grouping and renewing that the New Year seems to bring. Essentially, I think what I want is a kick in the butt to remember what my direction my life is being called to go.

Therein lies much of my need for a new year: I have the memory of a lawn chair. At least, that is what one of my friends told me once and it kind of stuck. And it’s pretty accurate unfortunately. I am someone who loves to learn and think and write and mull things over and then I am cursed with a mind that kind of reorgs itself about once a week, deleting most files. This mind doesn’t even bother to consult me about what I would like to keep in the memory rotation. So I remember things like singing the “purple people eater” in second grade and forget entire chunks of our marriage. I wish I could at least be consulted.

So my being a lawn chair, and letting that rule my patterns in life, becomes quite the issue when it comes to resolve.

However. Last year I had a bit of a different year. This is the first year I got back to the New Year and found it somewhat refreshing when I found myself able to recall the lessons I walked through in 2008. I am not saying I checked off resolutions and they are done. But I was able to sit down and journal what the Lord taught me in a variety of seasons through 2008. I could name them, meditate on them, and see the trail of where the Holy Spirit took me over a long period. That may seem simple to some of you, but honestly for me it was a miracle to be able to do that.

In January of 2008 I was doing the How People Change study book with my Bible study. For those of you who are not familiar, the theme of this study is to expose the idols that are in your heart and to experience heart change by the gospel, not behavior modification, so that my life would produce fruit (righteousness) and not thorns (sin). This is when the Lord set a resolution on my heart. I would start a journal. Journals are not uncommon for me, but this one was. It was a themed journal. I would be adding to the same theme the Lord wanted to teach me about over a period of time. He began to reveal idols in my heart – unhealthy dependencies which I needed to confess so that I could rely on the true God and his benefits. The other theme of the book was on being a wife. Through spring and summer the themes of love and kindness would not let me go. So, reluctantly I headed into 1 Corinthians 13. I say reluctantly because it’s “old news” and it’s not a passage that I have studied in a long time, because of pride. It changed my heart that summer as I studied one “love is” each week. In the fall as I would tire here and there of my downfalls and cycles of sinful behavior the Lord turned my face distinctly onto confession and the giving and receiving of forgiveness. This has continued to now and has exposed a reluctance going back to the deep beginnings of my faith to deal with sin and also acceptance of grace fully. And this too, more than anything in a number of years, is transforming my heart.

And for 2009 I already sense some of these themes continuing, mainly because I have such a hard head ;). But this is also because the fight between our flesh and spirit (romans 6-8) can sometimes take a long time on deep rooted issues in us. One thing I know for sure as I walk into 2009 regarding our most important heart issues:

The Lord determines my resolutions. He knows how I need to grow, change, and be transformed. He can see through me when I can’t. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before his eyes. He knows every word before it is on my tongue. The other day I read the beginning of 1 Peter. It reminded the audience reading that we have been chosen FOR obedience to Jesus Christ. As his chosen daughter, dearly loved and uniquely created, I must trust and obey Him who knows me better than I know myself to have insight into what my heart should be resolved about for 2009. God determines my resolutions and I am called to remember them and follow his Spirit, also called our Counselor, as I see how I need to be changing by his grace.

Lord, fold up this lawn chair of mine and replace it with a heart and mind that fervently looks for you and what you are saying to me. Help me to remember what you have taught me through meditation and a heart of thankfulness. To you be the glory for my year ahead in 2009.