Giving in to Exposure

Ephesians 5:7-14 “Therefore do not become partners with them (‘the sons of disobedience’); for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but INSTEAD EXPOSE THEM. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O Sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’”

Sometimes being a Christian, like a real all out Christian, can make you feel a little bit like how you feel when you watch a scary movie. I actually don’t like scary movies at all so maybe this isn’t a good analogy and now I am kind of thinking I don’t want anyone to quote me on that one, but what I mean is that in a scary movie my biggest sensations are that I want to hide and I kind of don’t want to know what’s going to happen and it’s out of control. And I think maybe now that I think about it those are the only parallels I see, so I will just giggle that that was my first line of this. But anyhow, yes, being a Christian can be scary. Because things happen that you kind of don’t see coming and you wouldn’t have wished for and it’s not a fairytale like you thought it would be. Mainly because life, namely my life (and your life) turns out to be a lot more despicable than we thought. So being a Christian can be scary because…God is all about turning us inside out. Getting us to where what’s on the inside is…exposed. On the outside. This = a little scary.

I just got back from a weekend with two hundred women at a camp where we all listened to amazing talks, sang and worshipped together, ate together, spent free time together, sat by a lake together, held each other’s babies, slept in bunks together, shared showers together, dined together, discussed deep questions, and sipped lots and lots and maybe way to much coffee together. But we also said things women in coffee shops don’t normally say. And we confessed stuff that many women would just say “my past is my past” about. And we confided sometimes not for the purpose of benefiting ourselves but maybe so that the woman listening would be set free to confide her same junk.

This felt like the least fru fru, la de da, relaxed, rejuvenating retreat I’ve ever been on. I can’t blame the coordinators. Because I really thought the flowers and via coffee and adorable handmade cookies on the table in our room made me feel like I could sit for a while. And the room where we all gathered felt like a sanctuary I could sit in alone and just breathe. And the lake was still and welcoming and good company when I hoped it would be. And there were trees and grassy fields and lots of sun, just like my spirit needed there to be. And the dining hall felt just like all the camps I had missed over the years, with big round wooden tables and dining wear that I’d kind of like to have for myself on my more nostalgic days, to just gather friends wearing hats and sweats and to laugh and eat for a long time. No, I can’t blame the coordinators for the setting. Because it truly was just a sweet place.

I think I’d have to look to what happened in our hearts, in the spiritual world to understand why I felt like taking a four hour nap when I got home. It wasn’t a bad feeling. It wasn’t a bad thing that I was weary. I just look at what went on in the spirit. I look back on the scene of that retreat when we had the mic open for anyone to share and I see us peeling back the physical world and all of the distractions and all I see is a lot of hearts out from hiding and being held in the women’s hands, up for all of us to see and witness.

And it’s not like our hearts look like gerber daisies all cute in our fingertips. Um, no. What some of us held up looked like dark goey mess that had just been unearthed. Not all the pretty stuff that Jesus has already redeemed in us and looked like daisies again. For some of us, what we held up was the stuff that we had been pushing away deeper into the corners and recesses of our being and it had been growing mold and unmentionable junk all over it. Stuff unconfessed. Stuff dipped in shame and pride. And the women just drew it out in all its ugly to give it to Jesus. So that he would take it away. So that they would be free. So that in the exposure, Christ would shine on them.

And others of us have already begun the work of responding to the Spirit and letting him scoop the yuck out of us like a pumpkin. But maybe some of us have done it privately, or only with our closest friends. We experienced freedom and Jesus’ redemption in very particular sin areas of our lives but we thought that that was it. We were forgiven, we had experienced cleansing from our unrighteousness, and boom – the book is shut on all that mess. Yeah, but the Holy Spirit is never done. He exposes us initially for our freedom. He exposes our stories later for other people’s freedom. Understanding and believing that my story is not my story has absolutely transformed the testimony of my life. All of my smaller testimonies, my smaller stories, my sin issues, and my tendencies that all add up to “my story” are on the table whenever the Holy Spirit says to pick one up and give it away. So we had things to hold up in our hands too. Whatever the Holy Spirit said to. And it’s not just the goey mess it was when it was still unconfessed. The Lord has cleansed it and made it into something beautiful and we can show all of that and be free from shame because just because I’m holding it, it doesn’t have anything to do with my identity. It’s something God is using in my life for his glory.

I’ll tell you my favorite, favorite, favorite thing I heard some of my sisters in Christ saying. They talked about how before this weekend they only shared the sinful parts of their testimonies that were the more politically correct sins. You know, the common ones in testimonies like how they drank a lot or tried drugs or had sex before marriage. When you hear that it’s like, yep, we hear that one a lot. Tell it girl. Because it’s easy to accept or give grace for and we’ve given that grace and head nod a hundred times. There’s a kind of messed up thing going on where people are comparing sins and saying – see how we’re kind of equal and all messed up --- the same? Which in a sick way all makes us feel better, instead of feeling confident in the blood of Jesus. But there’s a whole ‘nother round of exposure when you look around and no one can identify with your struggles and sins your confessing and they even seem a little untouchable to people. That’s when the gospel is the gospel of grace or it’s not. When women start feeling WILLING to share about explicit sins that seem off the testimonial path you know this Jesus gospel has really FREED some women. Because this gospel, this forgiveness, this confidence in what has been accomplished for them can even draw out the sins that are unacceptable (as backwards as they actually is, since all sin alike against God).

So I come back exposed. I come back especially feeling other women’s exposure. And I feel heavy from the knowing, heavy from a greater understanding of the reality of sin in all of our pasts and struggles in all of our presents, but the exposure is actually glorious. It really just is. Because all of it points to the truth that though our condition apart from God is truly a mess, it’s also true that our condition in Christ is glory after glory. He has graced us with his righteousness (2 Co 5:21). And stepping quietly into the light, the loving light of Christ shines down on our faces so He’s all we can see. And in that, we are free.



I’m going to post a part 2 on exposure because coming back from the retreat Satan likes to attack with all kinds of lies, just like we talked about this weekend. And his favorites after such a good time of SHARING our inner realities is that he likes to shake our confidence in the blood of Christ freeing us from shame, and he likes us to analyze what we said and how it was received. He attacks our reputation. So I feel compelled next to write about how to live the hours and days after you’ve allowed Christ to expose your heart.