Okay this post is not going to be very articulate in the least. It's past my "witching hour" for starters, and usually I stew on my writing for days before posting but alas this time I'm just going to get my idea out there.
My last quick post was on those chocolates my neighbor has creatively decided to make and sell to support the Red Cross' work in Haiti. I was about to email her tonight with the tally and was trying to think about who I would like to order one or more for. At first I was just going to order one for Jason or maybe just one for the girls to share but then I just felt the Spirit remind me of how cultural celebrations open wounds for many people, even those striving to trust Jesus in their uncertain circumstances and relational pain.
Valentines Day is coming up Sunday and whether or not you celebrate it, it's all around in our culture and for a lot of people it's kind of a rough day because even if you have someone in your life, they are hurting in their relationship or sad or expectations have failed them. Marriage can be a rough trial between two people and Valentines Day can be searing reminder of loss, of frustration, and of a seemingly fairytale ending for everyone around them. And for many others who are single and wish they were married, Valentines might be a difficult day to choose contentment, and to trust God that he has their best in mind with the gift of singleness he has given them in his perfect timing. The love of another person might be such a deep longing in their hearts that it may be nearly impossible to understand why the Lord might withhold that earthly pleasure from them. They may struggle daily with believing that Christ is enough. And this is even if they have the miraculous gracious gift of being saved at all.
So what started in my heart as a simple, shallow wondering about who to give a silly box of chocolates to so that I could write a check to the Red Cross has grown within literally minutes before my eyes to a real and true and sincere burden for both hurting marriages and struggling singles in my life. I am heavy in my heart for them tonight and know that it's not about handing them a box of chocolates with some sort of "that's too bad" or "i feel sorry for you and i'm glad it's not me" feeling attached to it. No, for goodness sakes.
I think my heart on that box is - I am crushed with you. The Lord is helping me to experience a touch of your battle with sorrow and your battle to trust that Jesus himself is enough for you. And I long to remind you of his powerful Word to you:
"Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.
The Lord God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
FOR THE LORD DELIGHTS IN YOU,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and AS THE BRIDEGROOM REJOICES OVER THE BRIDE SO SHALL YOUR GOD REJOICE OVER YOU."
Isaiah 62:3-5
The Lord Jesus himself delights in us. I love how Jason loves me and I treasure our marriage very much, yet time and time again I have had to learn that Jason is not equipped to love me like Jesus. We fail each other time and time again with how perfectly we are able to pursue and love and know each other's needs. There must be grace upon grace upon grace and we must acknowledge the evidences of grace to praise God for when we are able to love each other well. And in the midst of all of that, even though I am married...to a Christian...who loves Jesus very much...who treasures me...and longs to be a man of God...STILL my greatest treasure in the deepest places of my heart must be that GOD HIMSELF DELIGHTS OVER ME. And if that love is the love that quiets my soul and if that love is the love that I allow to rejoice over me with loud singing, then I myself can enjoy my relationship with my husband, even in what is lacking.
And in the same way I pray tonight, thinking over faces and marriages and singles and friends and family in my life, that we would sit in God's delighting over us. That our hearts would be still and ask the Lord what his love for us is like, that we may experience him and his infinite gift of gracious, delighting, perfect pursuing love of us.
I just posted what I wrote but felt overcome in my spirit reading that Zeph verse again as the Lord reminded me that yes we experience God rejoicing over us here while we are still veiled from seeing him in full while on earth, but there will come a day when we will be at a wedding feast. The church, the body of Christ, is the bride, and Christ is the groom and it is a picture of a perfect love which we cannot experience here on earth and which we will celebrate and delight in forever! So whether single or married or widowed or any of those but hurting and suffering, in Christ we look forward to a new wedding. We will live with the Lord, who is perfect in his love and compassion and care for us and we will be known as we never have and he will rejoice over us. It is difficult to grasp but this longing that we have all carried in our hearts our whole lives for being pursued and loved and known will be brought to a beautiful completion. We often may wonder - how will we not get tired of heaven? But what excited bride on her wedding day, marrying a great guy, ever thinks - I wonder how long this will last? No, she is delighting in a love relationship. And so it will be with those who are in Christ when we are with Jesus forever. There will be no lacking in our hearts, no expectations not met, no crushing hurts. We will exist in perfect love and we will not wonder about when it might end. We will only rejoice in delighting and praise Him that it will never end.
"Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"
I am reminded of my favorite song right now - David Crowder's Oh How He Loves Us. And I just weep everytime i hear it. Here are the lyrics and I'll let them close this out. Will you take a moment to listen his delighting over you?
"He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
He Sustains
4 years ago
11 comments:
Wow. Kelly, the Lord has used your post to speak deeply to my heart. How beautiful, and how wonderful his love is, and how easy it is for me to forget! I feel like I've been struggling lately in letting Christ be enough, not just because I am single, but with life in general. In this broken world, Christ is the only one who can meet our souls, heal us, restore us, and love us completely in the way we are meant to be loved. And not only is he enough, he is MORE than enough, more than we can even comprehend! It's so easy to lose sight of that, day in and day out, with work, obligations, and the feeling that I need to "do" or "fix." Anyway, before this turns into a blog post of its own, thank you, thank you, thank you. :)
"And for many others who are single and wish they were married, Valentines might be a difficult day to choose contentment, and to trust God that he has their best in mind with the gift of singleness he has given them in his perfect timing."
There's no such thing as "the gift of singleness". It's a phrase that was coined by the editors of the Living Bible (now the NLT) that has since been removed. According to Christ in Matthew 19, there are a gifted few who can choose singleness "for the sake of the kingdom", but "not all can". He does not declare the unwanted singleness of those "born eunuchs" or those made that way by men as a "gift".
Look up the word "gift" with a concordance. That which causes suffering is never referred to as a gift in the scriptures. Contentment is a process, not something we are called to project all the time. If there are singles who don't "choose contentment" on Valentine's Day, then so be it. God would prefers our genuine emotions (see the Psalms) to a phony happy face any day. (Romans 12:15)
gortexgrrl:
I can tell in your writing that you certainly seem either hurt or misunderstood personally by what I have written. I do not intend to battle this with you, so please know that my tone in response is intended to be gentle with you.
I actually do agree with you more than you might think. I was not using the word "gift" as I would use it to describe spiritual gifts. Rather, I would describe even undesirable, unwanted or even wounding circumstances to become gifts to us because of the redemption that is to be found in Christ. Even the discipline that God uses to mold us is a gift to us - "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace by those who have been trained by it." Something that is labeled "painful" by Scripture can become such a gift beyond comprehension. Similarly, singleness is difficult for obvious reasons - lonliness, desire for children, companionship, etc and not that singleness is a form of discipline, but it is painful for many - but even pain can bring gifts because of what Jesus can do in the pain.
And choosing contentment. I agree, that is a process. Paul words it that he has learned contentment in every circumstance. This is God's grace working out the beauty of redemption in circumstances Paul probably would not have chosen for himself. Paul learned to choose. He learned from the Holy Spirit how to go deep into his spirit desires, and how to not stay on top where his fleshly desires reside. But ultimately maybe you and I do disagree, that contentement is chosen.
I don't know though that the Lord leaves us in our struggle to be content, as you mentioned when you said "so be it". I know the Holy Spirit is continually proding us and loving us towards more and more of a Christlike mindset of our circumstances. And not just proding us towards holiness, but healing us and comforting us in our hurt places so that he can move us towards a holy response. True, the Lord would desire nothing further from us than phony hearts. He shows us what is in our hearts, which is always full of sin and tainted with distrust and false motives, and doesn't leave us there, but enables us to be freed more and more and more into setting our minds on the things of the Spirit.
I don't know that we disagree as much as you think, but maybe how I said the parts that you quoted left you feeling that I misunderstand completely those who God has allowed to remain single. I do not claim to understand. That is not the place I am in. I would like to understand because I care and have a burden for singles. And I do not understand why the Lord leaves so many single. It seems that every single I known is in constant struggle for contentment - some finding Christ as their husband and rejoicing in him and others staying seemingly forever in a "so be it" mentality which seems to be utterly crippling for them spiritually.
My prayer for singles on Valentines Day is not that they would give a false portrayal that everything is okay, but that they would seek the face of Jesus, crying out to him in any frustration they might feel, and that as they run to him, that he would be enough. For that day and the next and the next. Just like me. Just like you. Because all of us struggle to be content where Jesus has placed us, and we all struggle to allow him to sanctify us in that place, but when we do it is a harvest of righteousness of peace for those of us who have been trained by it.
Thank you for posting.
Because of Jesus,
Kelly
I love your heart, Kelly! Thanks for being vulnerable and speaking the Truth that the Lord has fashioned in you over the years! :)
Great post and response Kelly. I so appreciate seeing your heart in this, knowing how God has been growing you in your marriage!
Ah you write so eloquently! I love this post - what you speak is truth and it's good to hear it!
Somewhat unrelated to the post, but the song "How He Loves" was written by Matt's former roommate, JohnMark McMillian, one of the worship leaders at Morning Star. It was written in response to their friend Stephen's passing in a terrible car accident. If you listen to JohnMark's version you'll hear him reference Stephen at the end of the song. He allowed David Crowder to use the song and now it's one of the most used worship songs in the country.
It's one of my favorites and every time someone references it, it brings me a lot of joy and I know it has touched so many others, brought so much healing to wounded hearts. Ironic - out of sorrow comes joy, out of death comes life. I'm so glad you love that song too.
kara - i have heard that original version of the song and loved it! in fact i can't decide which i like more because of its simplicity and also of course his tears in talking about his friend in the very last part. completely amazing that he wanted his friend's life to not be forgotten and wrote that song and now millions of believers sing it over the country. what a testimony of one's life. humble yourself and God will lift you up.
"I was not using the word "gift" as I would use it to describe spiritual gifts. Rather, I would describe even undesirable, unwanted or even wounding circumstances to become gifts to us because of the redemption that is to be found in Christ."
I know you weren't using the word gift to describe spiritual gifts, that you were speaking in terms of "circumstance as a gift". Again, there is no scriptural support for this notion. Yes, God works in our circumstances, and can use them to his glory. But not all circumstances are a gift, per se. Even if you take the position that God is the giver of all things, even then, not all things are given as a "gift". Read on...
"Even the discipline that God uses to mold us is a gift to us - "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful."
...if God allows some circumstances to happen, let's say as a natural consequence for sin, then if would be awfully cheeky to consider that disclipline or punishment as a "gift". Discipline is discipline, just as rewards are rewards (and grace is grace). The language of the scriptures is never double-minded.
"Paul words it that he has learned contentment in every circumstance...Paul learned to choose. He learned from the Holy Spirit how to go deep into his spirit desires, and how to not stay on top where his fleshly desires reside. But ultimately maybe you and I do disagree, that contentement is chosen."
When Paul said "content in all circumstances" he wasn't saying that he is content with everything all the time. Contentment and obedience were a lifelong struggle for him, not always a choice, and not always something he had control over (Romans 7:15). What's more, he acknowledged that the ability to be content with singleness varies among individuals: 1 Cor 7-9, 25-39, 1 Tim 5:11-14.
"I know the Holy Spirit is continually proding us and loving us towards more and more of a Christlike mindset of our circumstances."
Well, I wouldn't exactly say "proding" to describe the workings of the Holy Spirit. Again, these kinds of statements need to be backed up with scripture, not just the platitudes that come from pop evangelical writers.
"It seems that every single I known is in constant struggle for contentment - some finding Christ as their husband and rejoicing in him and others staying seemingly forever in a "so be it" mentality which seems to be utterly crippling for them spiritually ."
Well, as far as "so be it", I was referring to not all singles being able to "choose contentment" on Valentine's Day. Just as not all infertile wives are able to "choose contentment" as they struggle through yet another baby shower for a friend that they may be happy for, but at the same time, sad for themselves. And that's not just "self-pity", that's genuine grief (just as single people can in time genuinely grieve not having children). We don't gush to those women to embrace their "gift of infertility", although a few survivors may come call it that for themselves. Likewise, some singles may come to call their singleness a gift, but that is up to them, not their married friends to frame it that way.
By the way, if "every single" you've known is "in constant struggle for contentment", then that's because God has not designed humans to be alone (Gen 2:18) and that discontentment motivates us to seek out mates, which is almost always described in the bible in terms of human effort and volition. I have never known any single to be in a "so be it" mentality to the point of it "utterly crippling for them spiritually".
Kel, I just read and reread this and wanted to say - I really appreciate your heart. Semantics aside - how beautiful to say: if you're in a season of blessing or a trial (because I think every can admit there are blessings and trials in every marital status) - understanding the affection of the Lord is important. I hear your heart and am thankful to be reminded that He delights over me and loves me, in an incomprehensible way.
would you be willing to email with me? kellyccowan@yahoo.com
dear e-friend via jessi - thank you so much for this post. toting babies all day, often alone, has made my "hands weary".
hearts are tender, so tender, and your words and unique self are perfect encouragement for me this morning. i enjoy your blog.
love, jill in SC
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